I have no idea what I'm doing with my life

but my tumblr is kinda okay I guess

When [an abusive man] tells me that he became abusive because he lost control of himself, I ask him why he didn’t do something even worse. For example, I might say, “You called her a fucking whore, you grabbed the phone out of her hand and whipped it across the room, and then you gave her a shove and she fell down. There she was at your feet where it would have been easy to kick her in the head. Now, you have just finished telling me that you were ‘totally out of control’ at that time, but you didn’t kick her. What stopped you?” And the client can always give me a reason. Here are some common explanations:

"I wouldn’t want to cause her a serious injury."
“I realized one of the children was watching.”
“I was afraid someone would call the police.”
“I could kill her if I did that.”
“The fight was getting loud, and I was afraid the neighbors would hear.”

And the most frequent response of all:

"Jesus, I wouldn’t do that. I would never do something like that to her.”

The response that I almost never heard — I remember hearing it twice in the fifteen years — was: “I don’t know.”

These ready answers strip the cover off of my clients’ loss of control excuse. While a man is on an abusive rampage, verbally or physically, his mind maintains awareness of a number of questions: “Am I doing something that other people could find out about, so it could make me look bad? Am I doing anything that could get me in legal trouble? Could I get hurt myself? Am I doing anything that I myself consider too cruel, gross, or violent?”

A critical insight seeped into me from working with my first few dozen clients: An abuser almost never does anything that he himself considers morally unacceptable. He may hide what he does because he thinks other people would disagree with it, but he feels justified inside. I can’t remember a client ever having said to me: “There’s no way I can defend what I did. It was just totally wrong.” He invariably has a reason that he considers good enough. In short, an abuser’s core problem is that he has a distorted sense of right and wrong.

I sometimes ask my clients the following question: “How many of you have ever felt angry enough at youer mother to get the urge to call her a bitch?” Typically half or more of the group members raise their hands. Then I ask, “How many of you have ever acted on that urge?” All the hands fly down, and the men cast appalled gazes on me, as if I had just asked whether they sell drugs outside elementary schools. So then I ask, “Well, why haven’t you?” The same answer shoots out from the men each time I do this exercise: “But you can’t treat your mother like that, no matter how angry you are! You just don’t do that!”

The unspoken remainder of this statement, which we can fill in for my clients, is: “But you can treat your wife or girlfriend like that, as long as you have a good enough reason. That’s different.” In other words, the abuser’s problem lies above all in his belief that controlling or abusing his female partner is justifiable….

—Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (via seebster)

(via orjasmicliving)

razzleberrie:

raise ur hand if you hold yourself to really unrealistically high standards and then beat yourself up when you fall short of perfection

(via knivesandglitter)

blondebarbells:

gainsforgotham:

ootd // fall capsule // outfit 8

Top - Express (similar)
Skirt - Target (similar)
Shoes - Forever 21 (here)
Clutch - Banana Republic (similar)
Earrings - Forever 21 (similar)
Bracelet - Declaration Boutique

I’m off to a busy day of high school visits (including my own high school!) - I still cannot get over how much I miss this cooler fall weather.

ow owwww

very professional, also very cute.





I took a photo every 2 minutes over the span of about 2 hours at a 20 second exposure and animated it all together! This 2 second loop was the result! 
Craters of the Moon National Monument, Idaho

HOLY FUCK

holy fuck you can actually see how the earth turns by paying attention to the stars

this fucks me the fuck up

I took a photo every 2 minutes over the span of about 2 hours at a 20 second exposure and animated it all together! This 2 second loop was the result! 

Craters of the Moon National Monument, Idaho

HOLY FUCK

holy fuck you can actually see how the earth turns by paying attention to the stars

this fucks me the fuck up

(Quelle: illustratographer, via zuckerwattekopf)

truckyousasha:

septemberwildflowers:

jewist:

the worst is having a dream where someone loves you and you can practically feel them touching you and it feels so real and then you wake up and it’s like the life is being sucked out of you and the happiness just drains out of your body and you feel empty again

the fact that over 300,000 other people know exactly what this feels like too is a source of great comfort

especially if it’s a kiss

(via moving-taylor-swiftly-on)

Like an ongoing comprehensive education of men of what healthy, respectful manhood is all about, and it starts with how we view women. Our language is important. For instance, when a guy says ‘you throw the ball like a girl,’ or ‘you’re a little sissy,’ it reflects an attitude that devalues women. And attitudes will eventually manifest in some fashion.

—CBS host James Brown calls on men to change their behavior toward women. (via contentment-of-cats)

(Quelle: think-progress, via misandry-mermaid)